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Birthdays For The Dead

Stuart MacBride lives in the North East of Scotland, where he writes gruesome crime novels and grows gruesome potatoes.

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Sunday, May 14, 2006

Not so Groovy

Decided to reward myself with a day off yesterday. Well, it's not every day you get to finish a book (unless you're PBW). So I chilled out on the beach with a couple of cold ones, a barbecue and some bikini babes... Did I heckers like: I spent most of the bloody day forking bloody great weeds out of the bloody tattie patch. Bloody dockens the size of bloody trees. Bloody, forking weeds! So although I spent all day digging my tattie patch, it was not in a 1970's flared-jeans, sideburns kind of way. Not groovy at all.

But in-between the nettle-stung fingers, grit down the back of the neck, worms in the socks and building up a dose of righteous backache, I did have some rumination time for that short story I have to hand in next week. I've come up with a lovely clean way to kill someone too. Nice and sanitary, if a bit... 'screamy'. So I have title, opening line and an ending now. And not bloody clue what happens in the middle.

But today I get to shovel mounds of mouldy old horse shit (God, do I live a hedonistic, rock-and-roll lifestyle, or what?) hefting it from where the Boy Rat is stabled to the back garden, so I can make the rear of my house smell like a horse toilet. Hurrah! She Who Must insists that horse dung is natural and, as they don't eat meat, doesn't smell bad. I maintain that it doesn't matter if horses are vegetarian or not: if it's come out of something's backside, it's still jobbies.

So that's my weekend. Fun eh?

Back to the writing on Monday, I think. It's less smelly.

7 Comments:

At 2:29 pm, Blogger Sandra Ruttan said...

You just happened to mention the 70's today in your post. It's you - you've been sneaking into my computer and reading my blog topics list!

And...my email! So that's how you knew! Right MacBride, last week was nothing, you just wait until this week.

 
At 3:46 pm, Blogger M. G. Tarquini said...

A post about horse manure... All right, I can come up with a comment on this one, let me think.
.
.
I killed a scorpion last night.

 
At 12:54 am, Blogger Gabriele C. said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:55 am, Blogger Gabriele C. said...

Ok, I'm not going to mention the wiggly green worms I plucked out of my geraniums yesterday.

Though maybe I'd get more traffic if I posted about wiggly green worms instead of the history of Charlemagne. ;)

 
At 9:33 am, Blogger Stuart MacBride said...

Mmm, wiggly green worms!

M.G.: scorpions? And I thought our slug problem was bad... Where the heck do you live?

 
At 5:02 pm, Blogger Sandra Ruttan said...

Don't tell him Mindy! I don't want him stalking Spinetingler editors!

 
At 5:23 pm, Blogger M. G. Tarquini said...

I live way out west in the land of the coyote, the rattlesnake, the javalina, the gila monster and the cowboy. Real saguaro grow here, and real horses go down my street. Ants bite and bees are aggressive.

All that atmosphere and only five minutes from downtown.

 
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